A friend of mine – yes, I do have a couple – sent me this yesterday and it brought a smile to my face. Hope it does the same for you.
Dear Friends,
Many of you may not realize it but, even though I've been very busy over the last few years, I've still had enough time to put my thoughts and ideas together in a book.
I believe my new book simply entitled "GOLF" gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information I've gained through my years of lessons, struggle and experiment.
I am very proud of the results, and to assist with marketing, I am asking friends and family to help me out. I hope you find this a useful tool to help you enjoy your game much more while you enjoy the great outdoors. The cost is only $9.95. Don't wait until they're all gone!!!!
Table of Contents:
Chapter 1 - How To Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter 2 - How To Hit A Nike From The Rough When You Hit A Titleist From The Tee
Chapter 3 - How To Avoid The Water When You Lie 8 In A Bunker
Chapter 4 - How To Get More Distance Off The Shank
Chapter 5 - When To Give The Ranger The Finger
Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow On The Greens To Maximize Earnings
Chapter 7 - When To Implement Handicap Management
Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses For Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 9 - How To Rationalize A 6-Hour Round
Chapter 10 - When Does A Divot Become Classified As Sod
Chapter 11 - How To Find The Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go In The Water
Chapter 12 - Why Your Spouse Doesn't Care That You Birdied The 5th Hole
Chapter 13 - Using Curse Words Creatively To Control Ball Flight
Chapter 14 - When To Let A Foursome Play Through Your Twosome
Chapter 15 - How To Relax When You Are Hitting Five Off The Tee
Chapter 16 - When To Suggest Major Swing Corrections To Your Opponents
Chapter 17 - God And The Meaning Of The Birdie-To-Bogey-Three-Putt
Chapter 18 - When To Re-Grip Your Ball Retriever
Chapter 19 - Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective Stress-Reduction Technique
Chapter 20 - Can You Purchase A Better Golf Game?
Chapter 21 - Why Male Golfers Will Pay $6 A Beer From The Cart Girl And Give Her A $4 Tip But Will Balk At $4 a Beer At The 19th Hole And Then Stiff The Bartender.
It's very likely that I'm guilty of all of the above - sometimes in the same round.
h/t to DC
Showing posts with label golf. Show all posts
Showing posts with label golf. Show all posts
January 21, 2011
September 11, 2010
The Burlap
We are having our annual golf tournament today – affectionally known as The Burlap. It’s the unofficial major of our golf season and no one takes it too seriously. It’s the 19th year we have held it and the winner gets a trophy and a Herb Tarlac jacket. (That's Herb from his days at WKRP) We usually go for a beer and a bite to eat after the round and the “winner” has to wear it in the restaurant. And introduce himself to other patrons. All in good fun.We call it The Burlap because the first coat – which I bought at a second hand clothing store at a cost of two dollars looked - and smelled - like a burlap sack. That coat was lost and now we have the colourful and somewhat smelly jacket right out of Herb’s closet.
I don’t expect to win - I’ve only played twice all summer since it’s so frigging expensive - and my game has gone to pot in recent years. So I don’t care how I shoot, it’s just a fun day on the course. Forecast calls for cloudy skies, temperatures around 18 degrees and a 100% probability of beer. We get dropped off. It’s that kind of tournament.
April 1, 2010
Golf Newfoundland and Labrador….Not Likely.
It’s April 1st and the golfing season will soon be upon us. The Willows normally opens mid to late April, followed by the Wilds and then the other courses around town. Twin Rivers also opens up relatively early as well - last year in early May. Golfnewfoundland is a provincial government website aimed at tourists and locals. Here's another very good site - Golf Newfoundland and Labrador.
I enjoy a game of golf and I don’t take it too seriously since - well - I suck at it. Over the past two years my handicap has gone from a reasonable 14 to something approaching positive infinity. My biggest problem is off the tee – zero consistency. It’s either a dead pull or a wicked slice. The only time I hit the fairway is if I get a lucky bounce. It’s embarrassing really. Good thing I have an okay short game (and a pencil.)
But I don’t get pissed off at it. The occasional “Oh Shit!” but no throwing clubs, no hissyfits, no blaming the seagull that farted off Bell Island. I’m sure everyone has played with that type of player. You know the kind - eye blinking is considered loud. Heavy breathing causes their putt to go offline. And it’s never their fault.
“Too bad about that putt there Bob.”
“Yeah, I hit it where I wanted, but the guy three holes back made too much noise tying up his shoe and threw me off.”
Ooookay. These guys are also the ones that take forever and a day to line up a putt or hit a tee shot. They make Jim Furyk look like Speedy Gonzales. But I digress.
While I enjoy the game, the skyrocketing cost of a round has made playing prohibitive. $65 to play Clovelly on the weekend? 50 bucks for the Hill. The Hill? (It was once a very good, well kept course, but that changed when they rearrnged the layout because of housing developments. And stopped using water.) Throw in a beverage, hotdog and cart and it’s a $100 day. And I don’t need to pay $100 to get aggravated, especially when I can get aggravated at home for free.
And memberships are out of the question for most of us. $2000 plus is a lot of dough, especially if you can’t play a lot.
But seriously, what are the people who run the courses thinking? It used to be that booking a tee time for a Saturday has next to impossible. You had to get up at 4:00 on Friday to get a time. Well, those days are long gone. And so are a lot of the golfers.
The boom has gone bust. Drive by the Hill on a weekend and all you’ll see are tumbleweeds.
So with courses empty, you’d think there would be specials or reduced rates. Better to have a course full at $30 a round than have it empty at $50.
The number of games I play has dropped off substantially. Now, I usually play twilight rounds since green fees are cheaper. But that’s when the courses are full. Hello? This is not rocket science people.
It has gotten so bad that next time you see me on a course, I’ll be caddying. (most likely for the Leafs) Golf Newfoundland and Labrador? Not bloody likely.
I enjoy a game of golf and I don’t take it too seriously since - well - I suck at it. Over the past two years my handicap has gone from a reasonable 14 to something approaching positive infinity. My biggest problem is off the tee – zero consistency. It’s either a dead pull or a wicked slice. The only time I hit the fairway is if I get a lucky bounce. It’s embarrassing really. Good thing I have an okay short game (and a pencil.)
But I don’t get pissed off at it. The occasional “Oh Shit!” but no throwing clubs, no hissyfits, no blaming the seagull that farted off Bell Island. I’m sure everyone has played with that type of player. You know the kind - eye blinking is considered loud. Heavy breathing causes their putt to go offline. And it’s never their fault.
“Too bad about that putt there Bob.”
“Yeah, I hit it where I wanted, but the guy three holes back made too much noise tying up his shoe and threw me off.”
Ooookay. These guys are also the ones that take forever and a day to line up a putt or hit a tee shot. They make Jim Furyk look like Speedy Gonzales. But I digress.
While I enjoy the game, the skyrocketing cost of a round has made playing prohibitive. $65 to play Clovelly on the weekend? 50 bucks for the Hill. The Hill? (It was once a very good, well kept course, but that changed when they rearrnged the layout because of housing developments. And stopped using water.) Throw in a beverage, hotdog and cart and it’s a $100 day. And I don’t need to pay $100 to get aggravated, especially when I can get aggravated at home for free.
And memberships are out of the question for most of us. $2000 plus is a lot of dough, especially if you can’t play a lot.
But seriously, what are the people who run the courses thinking? It used to be that booking a tee time for a Saturday has next to impossible. You had to get up at 4:00 on Friday to get a time. Well, those days are long gone. And so are a lot of the golfers.
The boom has gone bust. Drive by the Hill on a weekend and all you’ll see are tumbleweeds.
So with courses empty, you’d think there would be specials or reduced rates. Better to have a course full at $30 a round than have it empty at $50.
The number of games I play has dropped off substantially. Now, I usually play twilight rounds since green fees are cheaper. But that’s when the courses are full. Hello? This is not rocket science people.
It has gotten so bad that next time you see me on a course, I’ll be caddying. (most likely for the Leafs) Golf Newfoundland and Labrador? Not bloody likely.
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